ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My feet surprised me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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