Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize