You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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