Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
