your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
