guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
