dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
