Where is the hickey?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
