If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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