I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
