Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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