she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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