She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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