adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
