i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
