we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just invented taco cereal.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
