real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
