I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
