I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What happened to fro yo and sex?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
