I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Vodka?
Forever.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
