Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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