they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
