Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
