he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
