what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
