your thong is hanging out like whoa
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
