How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
