My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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