Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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