My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
