I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
