Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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