I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize