You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
