Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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