becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
