Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
