Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
