is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sorry my hands just texted you
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
