saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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