I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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