you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
