the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
