before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
