no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
