Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
