I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
