I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We have started to decorate penises.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
