you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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