hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
ttyl tear gas
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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