This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
