No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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