brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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