this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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