Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
