we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
