Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
