We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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