listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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