You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
