I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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