Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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