So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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