come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
