What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
