problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
