I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
