nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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