You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
