I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
