Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
