can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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