i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
