oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
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i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
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I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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