Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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