You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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