i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
