Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
