Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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