if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
