my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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