Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So here I am, sexting at work.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
