i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
